Finding Still - ness

The last two weeks have been a blur - opening a yoga studio while attempting to be somewhat productive and work has been a challenge. Wonderful, but a challenge none-the-less. What started as a notion to have a space dedicated to yoga - where I could hold a class without limitations such as having to move furniture or exercise equipment - has turned into something so much more. A studio with choices, other instructors, a variety of styles, and new ideas. Somewhere even I could go and practice. In fact, the best part of last week was attending an Ananda Yoga class with Jen. I settled into my mat, followed along, meditated and relaxed into savasana.

I came to the name of Still because of my own issues with finding calm. It is hard for me to find stillness - physically and pschologically. Though moving from the frenetic pace of the big city to a small town in the mountains has helped me find quiet, it is really through yoga that I am truly able to find stillness in my thoughts, my breath and my movement. Yoga, to me, is a moving meditation. I was initially drawn to yoga because of the physical asanas - the energetic vinyasas and strength required in balancing poses. But as I progressed, I found that with intense physical focus comes the ability to be mentally calm and land in an almost breathless state.

So with this, I am back to work - struggling to get everything done so I can make it to the 5:00 pm Ananda yoga class with Jen.

Why do we judge?

We all do it. I do it. It doesn’t make it right, but it does offer us an opportunity to really know ourselves.

I pre-judge, come to a quick summary based on an action, a look, an event, a sound and quickly come up with a label. I don’t do this as often as I did 25 years ago, but it still occurs, and when it does it is so disarming. Now, my strategy is to stop, acknowledge judgement and sit for a moment with the feeling I created. Where did this notion come from? Is there something going on right now with me? Am I resistent to the idea being proposed? Is this something I see in myself and am now rejecting? And most importantly: What am I missing out on by snapping to this conclusion? This is when I soften. I don’t berate myself for judging. I do not judge myself but rather acknowledge my action, locate its source and move on to the next moment. I let go with more awareness and am a better person for it. Although not perfect, I am better armed for the next time I draw a quick conclusion about someone or some thing.

I bring this up because I worked through this yesterday in my yoga practice of all places. I set the alarm for 5:45 am to attend a 6:15 am Hatha Blend class. When the alarm sounded I just wanted to turn it off, roll over and finish my eight hours. But I knew I would just lay there – mostly awake – until it was time to jump in the shower and go to work. Not to mention - I hate regrets. So, tired and cranky I arrived for class about five minutes early, set my self up in a supported Supta Badha Konasana coupled with ujiya pranayama. I thought it gave me the separation I needed between my alarm and the practice. The instructor started us in Tadasana, but as I folded into Uttanasana, I couldn’t stop thinking “This isn’t going to work; I don’t think I like her voice or direction. Can I leave? What time is it?” As I struggled to still my mind and move into the next pose, I decided to figure out why I was feeling this way. With a few breaths I found the source of my discomfort and basis of my judgment - I was tired and cranky and I really didn't want to be there. It had nothing to do with the instructor, her manner or her voice. I opened and sank into one of the best practices I have had in a long time. Completely aware and humbled.

I hate when I judge – it’s impulsive and unnecessary. But I love that I can acknowledge. And without beating myself up too much move on, have a great experience, meet a new and interesting person or have a memorable yoga practice.

The words we use ...

Leading a yoga practice can be challenging: Providing students with correct cues at the appropriate time, setting the pace of practice and breath, coupled with identifying the proper orientation of the body without mixing right with left and left with right. But finding words to communicate the practice of yoga can make the task of teaching even more daunting. How often can I use ‘melt’ to describe Savasana? Can the word ‘soften’ be used repeatedly when explaining what the eyes, throat, shoulders and lower belly should be doing in Tadasana? As a writer, redundancy just doesn’t sound good – whether in print or in yoga practice. I am constantly on the lookout for new words to add to my yoga vocabulary. Last week I heard the word ‘trace.’ Instantly I fell in love with its sound, its grace and its effectiveness. Trace your breath - in through your nose and along the base of the throat as it fills your lungs. I can’t use it enough. As you soften your shoulders into the front of your chest and down your back, trace the length of the spine and draw your tailbone towards the floor. It’s so lovely. In Reverse Warrior reach your right hand towards the sky and feel the flow of energy from your right big toe to your pinky, tracing its course in three long, smooth cycles of breath.

Are there other words so versatile and effective? I hope so. Stumbling upon the word trace gave me inspiration in my own practice and a sense of freshness in my classes.