Dedication fades to disaster!

Finally had a chance to attend a yoga class at Yogaworks' new South Bay studio. Plenty of parking, great feel, a multitude of offerings and two rooms for practice. I decided on the 6:00 a.m. Vinyasa Flow Level 2/3 with Kimberly Needham. Having not attended a rigorous practice since February and nursing a separated shoulder - I was a disaster!

Every time I would connect with my breath, loose myself in a pose or begin to melt into the mat, either my shoulder would scream out its dismay or my lapse in a dedicated practice would become painfully obvious. The result: Any slight connection to my breath would be given up to frustration. My own fault really - I have not allowed my shoulder to heal and I have done nothing more than meditate sporadically in the last two months.

As I settled into svanasana I realized that despite my struggle with the physical challenges , it was my mental focus and state of presence that had suffered the most decline. It wasn't the injury, it was the total abandonment of a consistent yoga and meditation practice. I guess Thursday morning I was ready to confront and understand the repercussions of deserting myself entirely.

Oh, how far we fall... It reminds me of when I was a rock climber. Dedicated to developing my finger strength and comfort with heights and exposure, I would spend three evenings a week at an indoor climbing gym and at least one weekend day outside on real rock. I was able to climb with grace and finesse and conserve energy by not wigging out when I moved up and beyond my protection. And then, slowly, I shifted on to other things, tended to life's little castrophes and began to climb infrequently. Now, when I do manage to spend a day climbing with friends I hear myself quantifying my current ability with "when I used to be a climber, I could ..."

Am I heading down this path with Yoga? "When I used to be a yogini, I could..." Hmmm, I don't think so. My practice has taken on new energy since Thursday. I think I was in need of being humbled and welcome it. A little taste of what might be lost is always a great motivator and makes a lasting impression.